we should

help each other. become better. stronger. less socially awkward. instead of isolating, hurting, passively dismissing. we should work on being better. better friends. better listeners. better livers. better dancers. better conversationalists. better roommates. better walkers. better talkers. better better better. lets work on pushing each other up. lets work on loving each other. lets. be. better. at. being.

sometimes i wish i were someone else

and then i think about a few things that make my heart smile...

ridiculous evenings


the beginning of something grand


falling inlove


sort of wishing we were joined at the hip...


too much to say

to a friend who doesn't read my blog, but to a friend nonetheless.

Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them

a funk has settled over ****Panhandle on this beautiful evening

i need to focus on growing. creating. friends. some school.
i need to have some integrity here. self-awareness. courage. fear. doubt. sadness. happiness. more fear. excitement. art. sewing. routine. spontaneity. giving. loving. learning. growing. authenticity. caring. truth. reality. still more fear. anxiety. complete strength. compassion. loneliness. realization. campfires. courage. courage. courage. fear. laughs. love. openness. vulnerability. twigs. friends. fears. strength. achievement. self acceptance. striving. striving. striving.
for no other reason that it is what i need to do.
i love this world, but sometimes i don't know how to function within it. it isn't conducive to my explosive feelings and creative flow. fuckkkkkkkkk. frustrating.
i basically just don't want to study, but really want to make something pretty.

job interview

hate to be a hippie, but i was on the phone with my mom earlier. i was freaking out about the world and myself. in it. she reminded me of a letter i sent her after i had a terrible job interview at the cupboard. when asked to describe myself, my strengths, my weaknesses i couldn't think of anything other than standard worldly "dedicated" bullshit you toss around in job interviews. when asked what my favorite book was i couldn't remember a book i've read since ramona the pest, which i read in fourth grade. i left feeling like i had the wind knocked out of me and my entire sense of self and identity were evaporating with it. so, when i got home i wrote my mom a letter about the whole experience, then i gave real answers to the questions. i read it today and felt grounded and comfortable in my skin. still scared, but glad to know who i am. not that i am any certain way, but just that knowledge. knowing. this is a pretty cheesy entry. this is what i wrote:

About Me:
I love helping people. I love my family, my dog, my cat, my friends, my stripy square pillow. I love learning. I am a hard worker. I am sensitive. I sometimes take things personally. I am an artist. I strive for health. I love the earth, I love my body. If the world is a canvas, than I am still caught up making my own brushes, contemplating how I plan to paint my perceptions. or better yet, what my perceptions even are. I am an activist. I believe in standing up for things that are important. I am in tune with my body. I love giving. I love interaction. I love sweet stories and sad songs. I make goals. I change my mind. I am a striver. I am a searcher. I try to see the best in people. I try to operate from a place of love and compassion. I try to admit when I am wrong. I love kombuchas. I am a transcendentalist. I try to be a good person. I try to be true. I try to be love.
My weaknesses:
all of the above.
My strengths
all of the above.

my head is exploding in a good way

I'm excited about this semester. I have my hands full though:

1. getting the North Texas Artists Resource Collaborative off the ground. We are basically building a nonprofit organization from scratch and creating an art co-op in denton.
2. organic chemistry tutor
3. president of this social activist group. we are a group of 20 girls and we're possibly creating a bill a presenting it to legislature in Austin. we haven't really figured it out yet... it is a school thing
4. starting a zine with my gurls. i'm really excited that i'm in on this.
5. starting a natural house cleaning business with Joanna and Irene. again.... super exciting
6. swsa. still an officer
6. school
7. life. art. wonderful awesome things.

I do this though... I like feeling a part of a community and really contributing to it. i love everyone. seriously. my life is better now than it has ever been. thank youuu.

a billion high fives

casey

i am head over heals in love with every single one of my friends

top 3 happenings from this week:

1. indian food ladies night
2. watching sophie not be sad at the lake
3. last night. everything.

mannnnnnnn. i'm soooooo feeling great right now. peace, love, chipmunks, puppy breath, bran muffins.

casey