hey everyone

so first of all- this weather is awesome. I woke up this morning, got bundled up and went on a walk with carlos, clementine, and sophie. it was perfect really. except that clementine likes chasing cars and that is sort of unnerving.

then I baked up my first successful gluten-free baking experiment without the use of a pre-packaged flour mixture. it is a gluten-free, vegan sweet potato corn bread dish from scratch. and it is AwEsOmE. I even made my own eggs with whole flax seeds and water. it was all pretty fantastic. those of you who will be at friendsgiving tomorrow will get to experience the excitement first hand.

also... i've been rolling up my yarn into manageable organized balls. i'll be knitting any hour now... i'm also really excited about our secret santa business. the coolest part is that I am so crazy about all my friends that I am not even hoping for any particular person. i could get anyone and be stoked. i pretty much love all of my friends.

thanksgiving was good this year. my family played a pretty seriously intense game of spoons. I hung out with my mommmm and she bought me undies and shoes. I hung out with some old friends. picked out easel wood for the art show. am starting to freak out about school....

i think one reason that I love cold weather so much is that I feel like it justifies the excessive amount of time I spend inside. this weather is perfect for so much that I love to do: dye paper, weave, knit, read, bake, take baths, day dream, BUT my wheel is outside in the patio... so throwing would be sort of uncomfortable right now. and bike riding is sort of a drag in the rainy/cold weather.

school is scary.

i am so happy about the world right now. I am just so inspired and excited. Feelings all have their purpose, but I don't think that there is a better, more uplifting feeling than this. thanks for reading.

today is sooooooooo much better

and so much of that is my perspective.

today was such a terrible fucking day

tomorrow will be sooooooo much better. i hope.

i wish i had my enneagram book

last night was pretty awesome... i really cut loose. my ego is feeling it this morning. usually the morning after hanging out with friends i feel embarrassed and worry that i made an ass of myself. i usually sit around trying to study and have pangs of cringing memories that i am probably exaggerating in my head. ah, well... if i make an ass out of myself when around people I guess this is just something about myself I need to learn to love. or at least find a little bit amusing. i guess i'm sort of scared of people, which is a bummer. but i bet everyone is at least a little bit afraid too.

talking to the girls was good last night. i need to overcome my anxiety and do more of that. growing up with a house full of boys has been sort of a drag on my social life.

i went on a walk this morning at 6:30. it was pretty fantastic. denton was still and the leaves were feeling the season. and i was excited not to sleep until noon. last night when i got home i seriously burnt my tongue on some chamomile tea.

a good morning read

Evoking the power of compassion in us is not always easy. I find myself that the simplest ways are the best and the most direct. Every day, life gives us innumerable chances to open our hearts, if we can only take them. An old woman passes you with a sad and lonely face and two heavy plastic bags full of shopping she can hardly carry. Switch on a television, and there on the news is a mother in Beirut kneeling above the body of her murdered son, or an old grandmother in Moscow pointing to the thin soup that is her only food.
Any one of these sights could open the eyes of your heart to the fact of vast suffering in the world. Let it. Don't waste the love and grief it arouses. In the moment you feel compassion welling up in you, don't brush it aside, don't shrug it off and try quickly to return to "normal", don't be afraid of your feelings or be embarrassed by it, and don't allow yourself to be distracted from it. Be vulnerable: Use that quick, bright, uprush of compassion- focus on it, go deep into your heart and meditate on it, develop it, enhance and deepen it. By doing this you will realize how blind you have been to suffering.
All beings, everywhere, suffer; let your heart go out to them all in spontaneous and immeasurable compassion.

-Sogyal Rinpoche

hmmm

I haven't had one of these since my xanga account (i_am_casey).... lets see how this goes...

a lot of things are changing for me. i'm trying to be strong and have a little integrity. instead i find myself mostly drinking wine and writing bad poetry that I hide in mason jars. i really want to go camping. i want to drive to arlington to buy some knitting yarn. i want to be better with friends.

it is november. perfect for leaf collecting and knitting scarfs. School should be cancelled in november so that people could just sit by fireplaces and fall inlove with the weather. no time for school if when we stay cuddled up in bed all morning thinking about how wonderful and cold the weather is. and cats.... cats are the best in cold weather. basically everything, even a sad heart, is perfect in the month of november.