Friday, February 20, 2009

How To

I have received a few emails regarding the tradition and methodology of no toilet paper living, which is not merely adequate, but now preferable to the irritating, unpleasant use of the paper product. I will explain my technique here in hopes that some of you may be inspired by this primordial and efficient method of excretory management.

Supplies:
water access
pitcher
balls (metaphorical)

For #2:
1. Enter the wet room/bathroom.
2. Choose between sitting or squatting. With our western style toilet in Hyderabad, I, as my fellow American readers, have the choice between sitting on the commode, or here, lifting the seat and squatting on the sturdy wide rim of the toilet. If squatting in the United States, don't lift the seat since it is usually fairly disgusting. If squatting, one must remove pants and underwear. Squatting is said to be healthier because it aligns the colon, causing it less pressure and more efficient release of your bowels.
3. Conduct "business" as usual.
4. Assume sitting position. No matter whether you choose to sit or squat during Step 3, I would recommend assuming the sitting position for the pouring of the water and cleansing of the buttocks.
5. For cleansing, scoot your body forward slightly towards the front of the toilet. Take the pitcher filled with water in your right hand, and lean your body slightly forward. Pour the water from the end of your back. Place your left hand slightly under your rump, and splash the pouring water back up, making brief contact with your skin on the surrounding area. Repeat pouring and splashing until clean, filling up the pitcher if necessary. The splashing water cleans your hindquarters, leaving your bottom feeling fresh and clean.
6. Shake to dry and pull up trousers.

For # 1 (ladies):
1. Repeat #2 steps 1-4.
2. Scoot body backward near the back side of the toilet. Take pitcher filled with water in your right had, lean back slightly, and pour over necessary areas, splashing water up with your left hand making brief contact with skin.
3. Shake to dry, pull up your big girl britches, and continue on with your day.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

that sounds really messy and I'm not sure I have the reach-around flexibility to pour a pitcher of water down my back while I'm sitting on the toilet.
I'm really glad to know this technique however as that was my largest fear when attempting to run away to nature.

now read this
http://aveganfordinner.blogspot.com/2008/12/i-interrupt-this-regularly-scheduled.html